Contaminated with Democracy

COLUMBIA, Mo 11/30/15 (Beat Byte) -- Just when you thought things in Columbia couldn't get any more "unexpected" -- the Opus lawsuit, Ryan Ferguson freed, Mizzou bigwigs resigning after student protests,  that communications professor trying to out "muscle" a young journalist, city manager Mike Matthes up for a big raise -- Jenny the CID is back! 

As if all the national attention weren't enough, Jen (Henderson) stars in a new Comedy Central Daily Show skit called "Voter Zero:   The Mocking Jen" (a takeoff on "The Hunger Games").  

When we last left Jenny, she was the sole voter in a Gerrymandered precinct called the Business Loop "Community Improvement District," aka the Loop CID.  

Area business owners thought they had craftily carved out all the voters so they could pass a sales tax to "beautify" their streets -- and pay Loop CID director Carrie Gartner $70,000 per year (plus benefits). 

But like Katniss Everdeen, Jen turned up to spoil the plan, saying she didn't support a special tax to enrich a special few.   

For a while, Jen was the CID.   Then, 13 more voters suddenly appeared, and things got really whacky.  

"Voting is a sacred right.  But is it?" Daily Show host Trevor Noah asks.  "Just think how much easier it would be if those in power could make decisions -- for all of us." 

But Voter Zero Henderson -- "the contagion" skit host Hasan Minhaj calls her -- infects this tyrannical dream with...Democracy! 

Dressed in a hazmat suit aboard a Humvee,  Minhaj uses a bullhorn to announce this "Demo-Hazard" in front of Parkade Mall -- ground zero in the Loop CID.  

"Hide your kids!  Hide your wives!  Live in fear!" he cries.   "This area is contaminated with Democracy.   There is a registered voter." 

Once the CID Board discovered the contaminant, Gartner "bravely tried to extinguish" the disease:  "Henderson's right to vote." 

"Gartner was very aggressive in trying to get me to 'un-register' to vote," Henderson tells  Minhaj , who arrives at her house in full hazmat gear.   "It was borderline harassment."  

But surely the "elite property ownership class" knows more "than your average dumb voter," Minhaj says.

Plus, Columbia's slogan is "What You Unexpect," so shouldn't getting voters to unregister be part of any local tax plan?    

No, Jen insists.   "They're taxing grocery stores for low-income people.   They're taxing food and necessities on the backs of people like me." 

But Gartner is just trying to plant a few shrubs, beautify the place, Minhaj explains, showing Henderson before and after photos of Club Vogue (click pic above for larger version). 

"Carrie is getting one third of the tax revenue to pay her salary," Jen explains.   

"What?"  Minhaj exclaims.  "That's (bleeping) diabolical!  I get it now.   You're not the disease.  You're the cure!  Thankfully, legions of unheard voters now have a hero:  The Mocking Jen."

Or as we like to call her, Jenny the CID.

Watch "Voter Zero:  The Mocking Jen"


JENNY THE CID:  Business Loop sales tax drama -- or CoMo B-movie noir?